This is a Zion Free Media exclusive. We went into deep cover to obtain the information necessary for this portayal. Some names may have been changed to preserve identities.
Jamie Bond is your average mom. She makes sandwiches. She puts on lipstick. She puts a little vodka in her coffee to cope with what the morning may bring. She may even wear high heels if the situation - dangerous as it may be - calls for it.
All in the life of Jamie Bond.
Jamie Bond has been described as a vigilante gunslinger. A merciless Indian savage. An alpha wolf leading a pack ready to devour not sheep led to the slaughter, but the lions that prey on gentle deer.
Because there are half price margaritas at her favourite bar the next day, and she was mildly thirsty. Some nameless blues band might be jamming that evening and that's just what she needs when she comes down from the mountains.
In an increasing Wild Western World facing a(n) (un)Civilized East(?), Jamie Bond hauls most of her produce from her own garden, brews delicious tea with mints carefully tended by noon day sun, and who would think to eat beef when there is elegant elk, moist moose, voluptuous venison, delightful doves, and perfect pigeon?
And yet motherfuckers like this exist.
Jamie Bond quietly sipped her strong double venti Asiatic Americano when reading that one. Its her trademark: "Asiatic Americano, double the coconut and chilis. And definitely some coffee." Its what she has every morning before getting ready to head up into the high country.
Recently, Jamie Bond suffered a savage assassination attempt when an elite member of the Red Devils motorcycle club planted a boot-triggering bomb in her home. But that wasn't enough to stop Jamie Bond.
The culprit was found in Mexico the next day, dangling by his testicles from a tree tied into a pretty pink bow.
They wouldn't let Jamie Bond into Boy Scouts, but she still knows how to tie some knots ... for every kind of dangerous situation.
Her most recent mission had her transporting a highly radioactive case of ultra dense, "chocolate" "fudge" "cupcakes" [some names have been removed to protect the nature of his sensitive material] to an anonymous warlord hidden deep in the mountains.
Only his beard survives to tell the tale of the survivors of that tragic incident.